|
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IRIS
Green
stripes, decaf.
MIKE
Yeah. The big round bags are for the iced tea,
which brews here. Coke and stuff comes
out through this dispenser.
He picks up the
hand unit.
MIKE
M,
O, S, all that is explained here.
He points with
the unit to a piece of paper stapled to the wall, then puts it back in its
holster.
MIKE
Ice
is here, you fill it with this bucket with ice from the laundry room. Alright?
IRIS
Green
ice, decaf.
MIKE
What?
IRIS
Nothing.
MIKE
Uh,
OK. (beat)Follow me.
CUT TO:
INT. ROSA'S - RECEPTION - DAY
Carol and Ron
stand at the desk. Mike passes by,
carting Iris behind him. Ron taps Iris
on the shoulder. She turns to Ron as
Mike continues on.
IRIS
Domo
arigatou, Mister...?
RON
Howard,
and come on, cut it with the Styx stuff.
IRIS
Alright. So what's up?
RON
There's
this party next Tuesday. Wanted to know
if you were up for it.
IRIS
Sure,
I guess. When and where?
RON
Well,
it's a birthday party for one of the dishwashers. A guy named Frank. It's
gonna be
CUT TO:
INT. IRIS'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Iris is lying on
her bed, chatting on the phone.
IRIS
at
his house, you know where that is?
TINA
(phone)
Yeah.
IRIS
OK,
and it starts at 7:30. You wanna go,
Teen?
TINA
Well,
I don't know. I'm not sure I can trust
that type of crowd.
IRIS
Well,
he told me that Mike was gonna be there too, so you'll be fine. OK?
TINA
Alright. I'll go.
Speaking of Mike, how'd he do today?
IRIS
He
was okay. I kinda know where everything
is. Does he seem weird to you?
TINA
Weird? Well, I've known him for just a couple
years. He's just as weird as me, I
guess.
IRIS
He
just seems so, I don't know. So
uptight.
TINA
Uptight? No way.
Not my Mike.
Pause.
IRIS
I
don't know. Maybe it was just an act,
you know? An efficiency facade. He's probably a fun guy once he unwinds a
bit.
TINA
That's
the spirit.
IRIS
Thanks,
Tina.
CUT TO later in the same room. Iris has put down the phone and is leaning
back and relaxing. We see her
room. Sparse, and what is there is
hardly girly-girl. A desk with some
metal CDs, some unfinished homework, the phone, and a CD player/clock
radio. A dresser with a mirror. In the
corner, a disused baseball glove. Pan
over all this as Iris thinks.
IRIS
(v.o.)
'Uptight? No way.
Not my Mike.' Whatever. You're
just as uptight as he is, Tina. But
still, he probably is a nice guy. And
not bad lookin', either. Hell, he might
turn out to be a better guy than Tony was.
She puts a CD in the clock radio and starts
to listen to a song.
>>>MUSIC:Tony's Theme - The Pixies
>>>"This song is about a
superhero named Tony,
>>>and it's called Tony's
Theme!" and guitar
>>>"charge-up" chord.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S LIVING ROOM - DUSK
Techno music
blasts and roughly a dozen people mill around.
Ron sits on a couch, staring into space. Cut to what he's watching: various girls chatting, getting
drinks, etc. Tina and Frank are
standing by the radio.
TINA
No,
no, no. It's absolute filth.
FRANK
It's
really no big deal. Come on. I dare you to find something wrong with the
next one. Okay?
TINA
Okay.
Frank pushes a
button and changes songs. Elsewhere in
the room, Mike and Iris chat.
MIKE
"Those
people. She's... without...", and
I'm like, was she born with one lung or what?
IRIS
(laughs)Yeah,
she doesn't like it. I don't really
care. She can be a nice person, you
know?
MIKE
Right.
IRIS
Just
as long as you stay away from THAT topic.
MIKE
Don't
I know it. Why'd you bring her here,
anyway?
IRIS
Well,
I think we can both agree that she needs to loosen up.
MIKE
Desperately. But, you know, a party? Aren't you asking for trouble?
IRIS
I
don't think she's deliberately trying to be mean.
MIKE
The
girl's a time-bomb in a place like this.
She's gonna piss off at least one person.
IRIS
Like
I said, she doesn't deliberately try to spoil the fun. She's just
restrained. Like you.
Cut back to Ron, still watching girls from
the couch. Ron's POV as one girl walks
over to a cooler, bends down, and pulls out a drink. She glances over her shoulder directly at Ron. Cut to Ron as his nostrils flare and he
takes in a sharp breath. Back to Ron's
POV as the girl, a tall teenage brunette,
turns to face him, smiles, and walks towards him. We hear Ron let out a sigh of relief. Cut back to Mike and Iris.
IRIS
It's
more than just free thought. There are
other things. Like if God is
all-powerful and all-loving, why does evil exist?
MIKE
Part
of a plan?
IRIS
A
plan? To do what, ensure that
three-fourths of the world's population suffers for all eternity?
MIKE
No,
it's not like that, I mean God wants people to do the right thing by their own
choice.
IRIS
By
their own choice. And if they
accidentally make the wrong choice by having the wrong information?
MIKE
Well,
I'm sure that He... It's like this. All
you have to do is acknowledge Him and do good things.
IRIS
And
what did you say you were?
MIKE
Baptist.
IRIS
You've
diverged from the official position there, chum.
MIKE
Wait,
hang on. What do you wanna hear from
me, the stuff Tina tells you?
IRIS
You'd
at least be consistent.
MIKE
What
about you? You're using the "how
can evil exist" argument. It's
gotta be the most basic and simplistic atheist argument. Ever thought of how many flaws there are in
it?
IRIS
You
sure as hell couldn't beat it.
MIKE
Maybe
some things are beyond human thought.
IRIS
Weak.
MIKE
You
like debating, don't you?
IRIS
Hell
yeah.
By this point
their heads have drifted close to each other.
In the silence, we hear an offensive lyric in the song. The music stops and Mike tips his head.
MIKE
Ha
ha, you're a...
A shout attracts
the attention of both. Cut to Tina
holding Frank's CD in one hand and a pen in the other.
TINA
I
win, Frank!
FRANK
Tina,
don't do this.
TINA
Why
not?
She brings the
pen up to the CD. Mike approaches from
the crowd.
MIKE
Tina,
come on. You can't do this.
TINA
I
can and I will. It's filth!
MIKE
Come
on. Tina? Tina.(slowly)Put the pen down.
She starts slowly
moving the pen away from the disc. Mike
starts to approach, but Tina twitches the pen back to the CD, causing Mike to
recoil.
MIKE
Teen,
please. For me? Would you do it not for them, but for me?
TINA
But
it's...
MIKE
I
know, Tina. I know.
Tina loses her
resolve and lets the pen drop. Mike,
Frank, and another person from the crowd jump her. Mike takes back the pen and Frank the disc.
FRANK
Thanks.(Mike
sighs) You've got to get her out of here.
MIKE
Oh
yeah. Definitely.
FRANK
Who
brought her here?
MIKE
Iris.
FRANK
Who?
MIKE
She's
on the...
Mike points to
the couch where he was sitting. The
couch is now empty. Iris is nowhere to
be seen.
MIKE
...couch.
FRANK
Yeah,
well, you can go looking for your girlfriend later. We need crazygirl gone NOW.
MIKE
She's
not my...
FRANK
You're
damn lucky your stupid ass can't drive yet.
I'm not takin' her. You got
anybody?
MIKE
Yeah.
Mike looks to the
spot where Ron was sitting. Again,
gone.
MIKE
You
seen Ron?
FRANK
Last
I saw, he was hittin' on that exchange student, Andrea.
MIKE
You're
kiddin' me. Ha HA! Alright, where's the makeout room?
FRANK
Hell,
you think I plan that part of it?
Wherever.
MIKE
Alright,
you keep the Moral Majority here. I'm
gonna check around.
FRANK
Right.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Ron and Andrea,
the girl who approached him in the last scene, sit on the edge of a large
bed. Zoom in slowly as they talk.
RON
(subbed
Spanish)
¿Te
gusta Norteamerica tan lejos?
ANDREA
Yeah. It's been really fun.
RON
¿Como?
ANDREA
My
friends over here are so free and unrestricted. My family was strict.
RON
Etricto. Nunca te permitan... diviertase...
ANDREA
Never. So... uptight.
They lean in to
begin the proceedings, and Andrea is pulled away, leaving Ron with his lips
grasping at the air. He looks up at
Mike, now standing near where Andrea was.
RON
You
bastard!
MIKE
Maybe
I am. She's got a great, uh,
personality.
ANDREA
Yeah,
thanks. Ronald, diviertate con su
novio.
She leaves the
room.
RON
Uhh...
I... the...
MIKE
Here's
the deal. Tina's wreckin' the place.
CUT TO:
INT. RON'S CAR - NIGHT
Ron and Tina,
both seething, stare directly forward.
They both grumble.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Frank now
addresses all the guests.
FRANK
In
my parents' bed. Whoo, woulda been fun
stuff. Anyway, as a special treat for
you all, some mood music!
He unpauses the
player behind him and plays the lyric Tina objected to. He then rewinds and plays it again and
again, to much applause and cheering from the partygoers.
CUT TO:
INT. MIKE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Mike comes in the
front door and looks around, bored. He
plods into the
KITCHEN
where he grabs a
few cookies from a jar.
CUT TO:
INT. IRIS'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Iris comes in,
glances around, and makes a beeline for the
LIVING ROOM
where she plops
down on a beanbag chair and turns on the TV.
A movie comes on, with a stripper dancing around.
IRIS
Hmm?
She picks up some
TV listings from a table beside her.
Glancing up, she sees a gleeful Jay and Silent Bob enjoying the strip
show. She laughs and drops the listings
back on the table. Closeup on the open
page as we see the movie is “Dogma.”
CUT TO:
INT. MIKE'S DEN - NIGHT
Mike, on a comfy
couch, looks through another TV program listing, settling on the movie
"Five Easy Pieces." He
switches the channel and we watch the screen as a character from the movie,
Betty, half-naked, speaks.
BETTY
When
I was four, just four years old, I went to my mother and I said, "What's
this hole in my chin?" I saw this dimple in my chin in the mirror, and
didn't know what it was. And my mother said - get what my mother says - she
says, "When you're born, you go on a assembly line past God, and if He
likes you, He says, (grabs her cheeks with both her hands) "You cute
little thing!" and you get dimples there. And if He doesn't like you, He
goes, (presses one finger on her chin) "Go away." So about six months
later, my mother found me saying my prayers, and I was going, (holds one hand
over her chin) "Now I lay me down to sleep..." My mother says,
"What are you covering up your chin for?" And I said, "Because
if I cover up the hole, maybe He'll listen to me."
MIKE
(v.o.)
Great
thing to tell a kid.